My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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