I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
