just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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