don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
