I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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