i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
