If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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