Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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