His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
