There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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