I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
