Will you blow on my dice?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
