i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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