i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
