wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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