I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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