Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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