ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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