he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
