haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
