I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
