I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
