I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
