My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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