You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
