So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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