last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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