You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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