JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
