opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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