I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
