then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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