Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
