if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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