Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
