My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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