I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
