my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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