We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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