I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
