I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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