Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I could make wine with my vomit
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
