I'm lost and stupid without you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
