So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
