They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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