You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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