ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
