i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
