No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
