I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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