Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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