3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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