Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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