Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
