I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
