do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
