Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
