Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
