Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
