she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he fucked my hip out of place.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
