we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
